John Jordan is a freelance writer from Chatham and co-owns a Bed and Breakfast at the family farm.

 

Greetings! G'day! How are yuh? Ahoy! Howdy!

The list of expressions of welcoming someone to your side of the fence are endless. But this list pales in comparison to the number of ways you can gesticulate the same thing. I am talking about waving, a practice that requires certain skill and dexterity, especially if you are from the farm side of the fence.

Waving is something that must date back to prehistoric times when there was no other way to communicate than sign language. The wave, as in salute, must have started with Grog putting his spear into his left hand and making a big circle with his right arm which said to Thor across the stream, "Hey, wade over to my side and we'll have a game of Euchre."

That's my own interpretation of how waving got started and is certainly not historically correct.

Generally, the wave is most thought of as a back-and-forth motion of the outstretched arm with the palm facing forward. The palm-facing toward you means you must have royal blood and I'd be careful if I were you.

Now a big, vigorous wave is great if both feet are on terra firma, but not so good while driving. Many farmers my vintage have a much more modest wave while we are rolling down the road or in the field close to the road. We just raise the index finger off the wheel as you pass by. That's from years of experience holding onto the wheel of a Super M with a tricycle front end. The steering wheel could yank right out of your hand so fast if you hit a bump the right way. Even broken some arms I heard (or so I was told).

But I date myself. Nowadays, you have to look hard through that smoked glass of the car windows just to try and make out who is waving at you. And speaking of tinted glass, who was the numskull who thought it was a good idea to put those mafia windows on the driver and passenger windows? Car goes by, honks the horn and I go to wave but I can't see who is there. That glass is also bad at four-way stops where I practice my index finger wave to let the car on the right, go through. I can't see if he/she sees my wave and so you end up doing the stop-start dance. Not a calming thing to do on a busy day.

While I am asking out loud about engineer's wisdom, which one thought up the honking horn when you press the

key fob of your new BMW. As far as I am concerned, a horn blowing automatically means a wave is needed, albeit sometimes the one finger wave. When I am in a parking lot today, I can't count the number of times I go to wave and all it is, is someone locking their car. I suppose these car designers figured a honking horn could help absent minded car owners find where they parked the crate.

There are other significant waves that bring back memories. How about waving to someone working ground on the back forty at dinner time (that's the noon meal I am talking about)? It used to be an important way to communicate that the roast beef and mashed potatoes were getting cold. Today, a call on the cell phone or the two-way has negated that wave.

Then there was the wave of the traffic cop who kept cars from colliding back before seatbelts. I haven't seen a traffic cop since I was in Newfoundland 15 years ago. There, I saw Canada's last full-time traffic cop in action. He was with the Royal Constabulary of Newfoundland, of course and his exclusive job was to control traffic on a tricky intersection in St. John's, where he had to hold up vehicles to let big rigs climb up a steep hill. The corner was just half way up the hill and the truckers would get rather perturbed if they had to stop. That cop's manner of whistling and waving traffic through, and also shouting greetings to people driving by, was a sight to behold. I swear the fellow knew the people in every vehicle going by. You know, if you stay in one spot for any length of time in Newfoundland, you get to know everyone on a first name basis.

But the traffic cops are gone, even college students who used to get jobs on highway crews as flag-persons are finding they are being replaced by electronically controlled, portable stop lights.

And how about the wave of our politicians at the conventions and rallies? I think that wave is not so much of a, "Thanks for voting for me," expression but rather "I'm up here and you're down there. Nah, hah!" Kind of an ego thing, I'd say.

Didn't know there were so many waves did you? The wave, as a gesture of an honest-to-gosh greeting, or as an all clear signal is getting to be a thing of the past, being replaced by all sorts of modern conveniences. Or are we so caught up with ourselves that we have forgotten how? Try to remember it the next time someone gives you a wave.