ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

And how are we feeling today?

Who said getting shingles was agonizing? That’s what everyone warned me after young doc pronounced me contaminated with this viral malady. I recalled my son had it; he failed his university exams because of it. My father had it and he just stayed in a dark room for several days.
Others grimaced as they described the agony they were in with shingles.

I really had difficulty believing young doc because frankly, I felt nothing. Young doc got me into an eye doc specialist because she feared that’s where the rash was centered. Sure enough, older doc looked into the peepers and grimly said, “I’m afraid the shingles are in your right eye.”

“Oh, my,” I thought. “That does it, I’m doomed for sure.”

But no, I just kept on, keeping on without any pain, took my anti-viral pills and behaved myself, for about five minutes. I went for a week or so supposedly convalescing and still no pain.

I went back to young doc a week later and told her that if this is what shingles is all about, then let me have them again. Be careful what you wish for, fat boy, it may reoccur. My better 7/8ths can always be counted on for her medical knowledge and she warned me that shingles stays with you and they could come back at any time. Just add some stress to your life and watch out!

Stress? Everyone has stress to deal with and yet they don’t get shingles each time.

I discounted that warning, just like when I was a few years younger and my mother would say to me, “Keep crossing your eyes like that and they’ll stay that way!” I didn’t listen to her either.

So I had shingles or to be more correct, herpes zoster. Sounds like the clap, doesn’t it? It is closely related mind you. But trust me, shingles has nothing to do with lewd and lascivious behaviour. At least that’s what I tell my better 7/8ths.

I’ve had other maladies in the past and for the most part, I am not a whiner. I recall only last year when my sinuses acted up and my ear canals swelled shut. I was deaf for about a week. I was temporarily in seventh heaven because I didn’t have to listen to anyone. All I kept hearing was blah, blah, blah, blah. In fairness, I now know what my hearing impaired friends go through. It was a good lesson for me to be thankful for what I
do have.

Then there was the time I got pleurisy. Every time I took a breath, my rib cage would ache. It got to the point where it hurt too much, so I voluntarily went to the hospital. Getting me into a hospital is almost monumental. I avoid hospitals where at all possible because they are full of really sick people. I went into the emergency department and was thinking that some sawbones would be able to see me sometime that night and perhaps
give me something so I could call him in the morning. “Oh, no!” If you walk into the emergency department and say your chest hurts like hell, everyone drops what they’re doing and they put you on a stretcher thinking you are having the Big One. Once they hook you up and see their worries are for naught, they go back to what they were doing. They don’t give you anything and they don’t even ask you to call them in the
morning. They just say it is pleurisy and live with it, it will go away.

Or here is something no one in their right mind should ever attempt to do at home. Feel a sneeze coming on and try to hold it back as you sit down. Do not ever do that! Trust me, I did and you know what they say about the velocity and power of a sneeze. I think it approaches the speed of sound and it had enough power to move a D9 bulldozer. Fat boy here thought he could hold it back while trying to sit down. “Achoooooo!” I felt
something snap inside of me. Once again my chest felt like it had an arrow stuck in it. As the doc at the time observed, “You dummy, you popped a rib.”

I learned my lesson well. Never, never hold back a sneeze.

Oh, the trouble we can get ourselves into. It is rather humbling sometimes to think that your body can actually get the better of you if you don’t take care of it.

So here I am contemplating life on the verandah. Today, my health is pretty good. But you never know what else might be sneaking up on you. I know I am going to start behaving myself a lot more if I want to stay on the right side of the grass.